If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
