I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
