Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Randomize
