Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
