woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up under a house in Key West
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
