Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
