If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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