he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
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you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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