I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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