dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
