YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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