Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
