She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
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They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
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you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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