I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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