There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
