I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
