doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
