You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
