YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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