My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
