If that was your dad, he is hot
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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