He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Farmville is her only friend.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
