The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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