So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
