If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
