you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
