it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
