party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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