She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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