having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
