Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
