Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
