You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
