dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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