Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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