You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
