apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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