I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Randomize
