First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
should my penis look like a turkey
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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