I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
