whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Are we still banned from the library?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He did a backflip because drugs
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