What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Help. Why am I so naked?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
