Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
