i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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