So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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