haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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