Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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