; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
