I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
