so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
