With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
