My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
