my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
