I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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