Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need to calm my uterus...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
