were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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