I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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