He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
