12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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