dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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