We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
