Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
