You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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