i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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