YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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