This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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