Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
