I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
