once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
