My room smells like vodka and shame
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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