I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
