I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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