She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
