Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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